Friday, October 14, 2011

the mean parent

i don't ever share anything real personal on here.
it is mostly just family updates and pictures.
i don't like sharing private issues at all, but lately have been seeing different blog posts that really people can relate to.

but i've never seen any about split parenting, "broken" homes.
and it kind of pisses me off.
blogland is either all traditional families or don't talk about it if they aren't.
and i guess i don't ever think about ourselves as a broken home, even though other people probably do.
we are healthy, happy.
but we are different.

addox has jason and i as his rock & loves us to pieces.
he also loves his dad & his time with him on weekends.
he doesn't know any different & i am so very thankful for that.
i ackowledge there will be times later when it won't be as easy.
however i feel like we have given him the base to be able to deal with it and not be negatively effected.
everything we do is for him.

although i wouldn't give it up for anything in the world., i'm sick of being the mean parent.
everyone is more fun than me.
he has SO many loving grandparents, uncles, aunts & he is so BLESSED.
but i'm the one that is with him 24 hours a day, disciplining every minute of it.
he WILL be a respectful, kind, lord-worshiping child and adult.
i don't care what it takes.
even if he yells "i don't like you!" and breaks my heart.
luckily half the time he says it he is hugging me at the same time, so i know he doesn't mean it.

today he did something that he has never done before and something that has to be addressed and punished heavily for.
lucky me, i'm the one who got to hand that out.
later he gets to go to his dad's where he has a blast and does really fun things.
i'm glad.
and i know he gets disciplined there, and i'm glad.
but it will be hard letting him go when we haven't had a "good" day & i'm currently the bad guy.

the life-changing, character-building moments and situations happen here.
with me.
i couldn't stand it if i wasn't that person & i wouldn't have it any other way but it is hard.

i've seen so many split parents get into competition of who can spoil their child more, just so the child with love them more than the other.
but that's not best for the child.
although i get it, and can see how that road can be taken so very easily, i refuse to do that.

it will probably only get harder, but i know i am doing the right thing.
deep down he knows the reason i do all this is because i love him more every moment that passes.
especially the hard days.


Liz @ said...

parenting is soooo hard. it's not all fun and giggles when you want a child that respects God and his parents. even though i have a 'traditional' family, i still feel like the 'bad' one. i'm still with them all day and carry the bulk of discipline on my shoulders. you are not alone!!!


Anonymous said...

Perhaps the Lord sent me by. Whatever you do, do not give up training your child in the way he should go! The decisions you make today, determine how you (and your child) live tommorrow. God Bless You.

Anonymous said...

I'm so glad you shared this. You're right... I am sorry to admit I never really noticed it before, but there aren't many bloggers (at least in the circle I read) who talk about "broken families" and split ups. I posted on divorce awhile back, but that's not really the same thing... It is a topic that needs to be addressed because there are lots of Christians AND non-Christians out there who have gone through split ups, custody battles, etc., and they (you!) need support! You are definitely not alone. I have a friend (not a blogger though) who is going through something very similar right now. Would you mind if I shared the link to this post with her?

Would you be interested in doing a Guest Post for me and talking about this on my blog sometime? Maybe later this month or next month? If not, I totally understand!! I know it was hard for you to write. But I do believe that God is here in the blogosphere and He is working through our blogs, even when we don't realize it.

There is tons of room out there for a voice like yours, encouraging "unconventional" families to keep on trucking and trusting the Lord! You don't have to give up on raising a wonderful family just because you had a snafu along the way. God is still with you just as much as he ever was and He can make ALL THINGS NEW! But I think you know that!

Hugs, Jess! I hope to meet you someday!!

Anonymous said...

What I meant in that first paragraph about the divorce blog I posted is that I personally haven't experienced divorce so ME writing about it isn't the same thing as someone who HAS experienced it writing about it. HOpe that clarifies...I read over it and thought it kinda didn't make sense.

Jess said...

jamie- i just love you, i knew what ya meant. :) thank you SO much for the support, it means so much. i did hesitate to post, but it just has been bugging me for so long that no one does talk about any of this. blogging has become such a source of support for SAHM's and everyone in between, i hate to think of other moms struggling and keeping their mouths shut because everyone else seems to be so different. i know i can't possibly be the only one who deals with it.

i would like to guest post, thank you. :) i most certainly don't have all the answers, but if i can give one person the encouragement they need i am happy. :) and yes, one day this meeting thing has to happen!

katie said...

I am the one to do most of the discipline in this house. I just keep reminding myself that they will love and respect me for it when they are adults. Well at least that is what I tell myself. : )

Sarah B. said...

You're doing the right thing! I'm sure it's NO fun being the disciplinarian but he'll thank you for it later in life when he's a well-adjusted adult :). Without your discipline he'd probably be a spoiled child who grows up into an entitled adult!

Hang in there!
And thanks for sharing your heart with us!

theolivetree said...

While I am married...I was a product of a divorced home...I turned out just fine ;) My parents, while they couldn't work things out, still remained good parents and civil. How nice of you to share! I am sure people will be blessed and appreciate your honesty!

p.s. I don't mind being the bad guy...I know my kids will thank me for it hope

erin said...
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